


You're Beautiful (Hotch and Reader) (Part 1)

by mrshadeelgibson



Series: Aaron Hotchner/David Rossi One-Shots [9]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Insecure Aaron Hotchner, Insecurities, he deserves all the love, hotch being amazing and sweet, issues with body image, self-deprecation, this man is amazing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:49:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29981061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrshadeelgibson/pseuds/mrshadeelgibson
Summary: Reader doesn't think she is good enough, and will never have love or be loved by someone, but then Hotch helps her see hpw beautiful and deserving of love she is...enjoy, my lovelies
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Reader
Series: Aaron Hotchner/David Rossi One-Shots [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2205246
Kudos: 16





	You're Beautiful (Hotch and Reader) (Part 1)

All my life, I've been told that I'm ugly, I'm fat, that no one will love me, that every man who looks at my body will be disgusted and revolted, that because of my looks, that I will remain forever single, alone and die a virgin.  
***  
The sunlight hits my eyes as I wake up to yet another day of work. All things considered, I should be thankful, I work with people who love me and care about me, but yet, it isn't enough to make all the years of self-deprecation disappear.  
I try not to look at myself in the mirror as I get dressed for work, in a professional pencil skirt, white blouse and blue suit jacket, with heels no less. I have to practically force myself to look in the mirror to apply the necessary makeup, so I can look somewhat decent, and do my hair in a work appropriate bun.  
I quickly scarf down breakfast and grab my coffee, purse and badge. That's right, badge, more specifically, my FBI badge, proudly proclaiming that I work with the Behavioural Analysis Unit. I smile, wanly, as I toss it into my purse.  
*****  
Around 20 minutes later, I am in the elevator, on my way up to the sixth floor. I am always the first one to get here, especially in the mornings. Well, the first one besides our Unit Chief, the one and only SSA Aaron Hotchner. Ahhh, Aaron...I sigh as I think of him. The epitome of tall, dark and handsome, with a caring, protective and gentle personality, even though the last doesn't make itself known enough. Besides that, he has gone through even more shit in his life than me: When he was younger, he was the emotional and physical punching bag of his father's, nearly 95% of the time, and nearly all of the time it was to defend his younger brother, Sean. Then after that, he met his late wife, Haley Brooks, who he ended up marrying, only to have a lawyer crudely serve him divorce papers on her behalf while on a case. As if that wasn't bad enough, a serial killer, The Reaper, also known as George Foyet, not only made his life hell by torturing him, but by threatening the lives of his ex-wife and his precious son, Jack. After making every precaution possible to protect them, somehow, Foyet managed to find them and lure them back to Haley's house. Since Aaron had gone ahead of us in a separate car, in his hurry to locate Haley, we were forced to listen to Aaron talking to Jack, and Haley's last words, the pain palpable even over the phone, before Foyet crudely shot Haley, right there, on the phone, for all of us to hear. Our hearts had broken for him, wishing we had been in the car with him to comfort him  
When he finally got there, he engaged in a bloody fight to the death with Foyet, which ended up with Foyet dead and Morgan pulling Hotch off of him. The pain and agony that laced his cries as he held his dead ex-wife close to him, on what used to be their bedroom floor, nearly tore the roof off the house and shattered all the windows.  
The ding of the elevator snapped me out of my thoughts. I clutched the handle of my briefcase tightly as I stepped out of the elevator.  
As I set my stuff down on my desk, I look up into Aaron's office, sighing longingly. Despite all of his flaws, would he ever love as someone as flawed as me, a chubby, self-loathing, self-hating, dumb, glasses wearing introvert? I don't know, but what I do know is that there is a loving, caring and romantic side buried deep down inside of him , and that I want to be the one to bring it out of him. As stupid and unrealistic as it sounds, I also want him to be the one that takes my virginity, the one to make me a woman, and the one that he makes his. I'm not even going to start on the numerous erotic dreams that I've had about him. Him telling me I'm beautiful, standing behind me in the mirror, running his hands over my body, my bare body, kissing me, touching me, laying me down on the bed, him whispering sweet nothings in my ear as he worships my body like it's the most precious and holiest possession in the universe, me, running my hands all over his firm chest, back, and legs, clutching his gorgeous dark hair, and bringing him closer to me...  
I snap out of it again, as I see the other members of the team filing in, ready for another, sure to be long day.  
****  
Towards the end of the day, as everyone is finishing all the dreary, why-it's put-off paperwork, Emily whispers in my ear, randomly: " I think Hotch likes you."  
I try to sound calm and unaffected as I whisper back: "How can you tell?"  
Emily rolls her eyes good-naturedly, and whispers, counting off on her fingers: "1. The way he looks at you, with love, protection and desire, 2. The way he always partners you with him on cases, 3. How he fixes the rooms so you and him end up sharing a room, 4. How he's always so quick to defend you and come to your rescue whenever someone says or does something and 5. How he smiles and laughs more, especially around you."  
I try not to blush as I whisper back, "I really must have been living under a rock if I haven't noticed all that, especially since I'm a profiler."  
Emily chuckles quietly and says, "Well, you do tend to live in your head a lot, and daydream, like Reid, so...ya."  
Reid hears this somehow, and whispers, vehemently, "I don't daydream!"

"So", Emily continues, "do you like him?"

Before I get the chance to answer, I hear another voice, ask, loudly " Does who like who, Agent Prentiss?"

Everyone stops what they are doing and looks over at us. Great, an audience.

"Um", Emily, at first, looks frantic, but then, in true Emily fashion, her face curves up in a sly smirk, and says, "I was asking Y/N if she likes you as much as you like her, sir."

My face turns red as I try not to look at Aar-, I mean, Agent Hotchner.

I sneak a tiny look at his face, and see conflicting emotions flicker across his face before he turns back around, goes back to his office, and viciously slams the door shut.

"Way to go, Em", I tell her, rolling my eyes, "way to fucking go."  
*****

We don't hear anything else from Hotch the rest of the day after that, and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.  
By 5-6 o'clock, everyone is pretty much done their work and are starting to leave, but not without giving winks, saucy looks, and a very crude, unexpected hand gesture from Rossi.  
Once they all leave, I gather my things, look up at Aaron's office for the millionth time that day, which is still locked with the blinds drawn shut. I sigh loudly, my gaze lingering for far more than it should have, at his door, before I finally leave. If I only knew what was coming later...  
***  
"Y/N, look at me", a deep voice says.  
I look to see where the voice is coming from, and it is then that I realize that I am completely naked, as in no clothes, bra or panties, and am lying down on my bed. How did I get this way? The voice speaks yet again, leaving me little time to contemplate this question,  
"Y/N, my love, I said look at me."  
I look for the source of the voice, and am startled to see that it's coming from between my legs. Embarrassed, I immediately try to close my legs, only to come into contact with not one, but two firm barriers, which I now realize are hands. And not just any hands, soft, yet firm, work-worn, years-of-holding-a-gun hands.  
"Aaron...", I breathe, realizing who it is, looking down at him, "Aaron, please...don't, not down there...please..."  
He looks at me with that love and desire that Emily was talking about earlier.  
"You're beautiful, Y/N. Every part of you is beautiful, and deserves to be worshipped. You're a goddess, and more importantly, you're MY goddess. And", he says silkily, blowing lightly on my...god, I can't even say it...pussy, "you are going to watch me worship you, every. Single. Inch. Of. You."  
While he's speaking, I notice the long mirror behind him, and his head of gorgeous dark hair between my legs, with an equally gorgeous and naked body. I moan involuntarily at this arousing view.  
He slides up, takes my face in his hands and kisses me, with soft, firm, unyielding lips, tongue begging for entrance. Feeling emboldened, I grip his hair, and part my lips, allowing access. His tongue dominates my mouth, but at the same time, caresses it, making me moan into his mouth.  
Just as he starts to move his mouth down my jaw, nipping, I hear an loud doorbell noise. I try to ignore it, and focus on the man worshiping me, but he begins to slowly fade.  
"Noooo...", I whine, pawing at the empty air  
****

Ding dong!, the doorbell continues ringing, as I wake up, growling. I pick up my phone to look at the time, half past midnight. Goddamnit, whoever has the nerve to be ringing my doorbell right now better have a damn good reason from rousing me from my blissful dream, otherwise they are really going to get it.

I stomp angrily downstairs, ready to chew whoever it is, out. In my anger, I don't even bother to check who it is before opening the door harshly. As soon as I open the door, though, all thoughts of anger and chewing out fly right out the window.

"H-hotch? W-what a-are you d-d-doing here?", I stutter nervously, backing away slowly from his intense, scrutinizing gaze. He doesn't say anything, he simply comes inside, closes the door behind him, and locks it. I gulp nervously, rubbing at my neck.  
"Y/N", he says in that deep, sexy tone of his, making my legs clench together, "where are you going?"  
"Ummm...uhhh", is all that comes out of my mouth, my coherent thoughts having vanished the moment that he showed up at my house.  
Without another word, before I even knew what was happening, he had picked me up and was carrying me, bridal style, up the stairs, to my room, gently caressing my face and peppering kisses down my jawline and neck. I tried to turn my face away, but he wouldn't have it, insistent on having his beautiful lips on my revolting skin. I tried not to wince every time his lips touched my skin, convinced that the kisses were simply platonic and nothing more.  
Once back in my room, he closed my bedroom door, and sets me down in front of the very mirror that I had been trying to avoid this morning, yesterday morning being a more appropriate term. I jerk my face away from the mirror, not wanting to look at my ugly self in comparison to his beautiful, sexy and handsome self.  
"Y/N", he says, "look at the mirror."  
"I-I don't want to...", I say, wanting to cry, "please...I really don't want to, Hotch, don't make me...please. Isn't it painful enough to have to force myself to look in the mirror in the morning when I get dressed, when I put on my makeup? Isn't it painful enough to try not to look in my bathroom mirror as I go to take a shower? Isn't it enough looking at JJ and Prentiss, and all other women, every day, knowing that I could never be as beautiful or as sexy as them? Isn't it enough having the constant voices in my mind that tell me that I'm ugly, I'm fat, that no one will love me, that no man will ever find me beautiful, sexy or attractive, that I'm dumb, useless, and stupid and that I can't do anything right? AREN'T ALL THESE ENOUGH?!", my voice finally breaks, and tears start streaming down my face, "TELL ME!"  
He gently takes my chin and turns it back towards the mirror. I give in, not having any energy to fight back.  
"I want you to see what I see", he says softly in my ear, "a sexy, smart, and beautiful young woman, who has a big heart, who cares for everyone around her, who works so hard and gives her 100 and 10 percent each day, even on the crappiest of days. A woman who makes everyone else's day better even when hers is the worst of the worst. A woman who has a beautiful soul, a smile that can brighten anyone's day, and a laugh that's infectious and melodical, even though it's snort-filled sometimes", he continues, smiling, "a woman who is self-less, who would take a bullet for anyone, friend, family or stranger, and a woman that is sometimes even more protective of those close to her than I am."  
"Stop saying those things just to make me feel better, Hotch, I know you probably don't even mean them.", I say painfully, not wanting to believe that what he's saying is true, "please..."  
He wraps his arms around me, pulling me against him, lips touching my ear as he says, "Each and every single thing that I said about you is true. Every. Single. Thing.", punctuating each word with kisses that brings his lips closer to mine  
He turns me around to face him, still in front of the dreaded mirror.  
"Aaron", he breathes, slowly leaning in, "call me Aaron", before kissing me. The amount of truth, care, passion and love in his kiss overwhelms me, weakening my resistance. He slips off my tank top, kissing down each shoulder, whispering against my skin, "Beautiful, so beautiful..." He yanks my sports bra off and tosses it on the floor. He slides down my body, slowly slipping off my shorts and purple cotton panties. Once everything is off, he turns me back towards the mirror again, as I reflexively try to cover up my now naked body.

He gently pries my hands away from my body, forcing me to look at myself in the mirror. Those self-deprecating words rear their ugly heads again, making me shrivel away from the mirror: Ugly, undesirable, unattractive, hideous, fat...

"Such beautiful, expressive eyes", Aaron whispers in my ear, "a delicate, curved nose, soft cheeks, full, sensual, and kissable lips...", he trails off, tracing around the outline of my lips with his finger, making me shudder slightly

"...a beautifully elongated neck, arms and hands that hold a gun and subdue a man, arms that comfort, arms that fight, arms that I want around me...", he continues, taking them and wrapping them around him, peppering my neckline with kisses

"...soft, supple breasts, begging for attention", he says, cupping them gently in his hands, ...begging to be held, to be kissed...", he whispers against my chest, peppering each breast with tender kisses, nipping here and there, "to be sucked...", gently taking each nipple into his beautiful mouth, and sucking hard, rolling them between his teeth, making me writhe, and softly moan his name, "Aaron...oh god, Aaron..."

"...sensual and curvy hips, begging to be caressed and held", laying me down on my bed, gently gliding his hands over my hips, "...a soft, toned and firm stomach", gently kissing all over it. "...that will someday soon, carry children..."

"...long, strong legs that are able to run, walk, and kick ass, legs that I want wrapped around my body", he says huskily, quickly unbuckling his belt, unzipping his pants, pulling them off, and tossing them somewhere on the floor, leaving him in his black suit jacket, red silk tie and black boxers, taking my legs and wrapping them around his strong and muscular legs, pulling me close to him, close enough for him to feel how...aroused and...wet, I am, from his actions.

"...and finally, a soft and smooth pussy, that's so wet for me, that's begging to be worshipped", he says silkily, his breaths caressing my folds softly,as though they were his hands.

I moan softly. This is even better than my dream, than I've ever imagined.

Plucking some courage, I ask, "Aaron?"

"Hmmm", he answers, lightly tracing my folds with his tongue

"I want to see you", I say, rubbing his shoulders. He looks up at me, "all of you."

He pulls away, his face taking on a look I am all too familiar with; a look of self-consciousness

"The scars...", he whispers, so quietly that I barely hear him, wrapping his arms around himself, as if he's trying to shield me from all the pain and agony that threatens to rear its head.

I sit up, scoot behind him, nakedness and all, and softly put my hands on his shoulder, rubbing them softly through his jacket, whispering soothing words in his ear. I feel him relax, but only a tiny bit.

I straddle him, and gently tilt his face upwards. Gently peppering kisses all over his face and neck, I gently slide his jacket off his shoulders, making him flinch slightly.

"It's okay", I whisper in his ear, "you trust me, right?"

He nods softly, "Always."

"Then let me help you, Aaron", I say softly, "let me help you show you how much I love you."

His eyes twinkle, at the words "I love you."

I carefully undo his tie.

"Is this okay?", I whisper in his ear

He nods softly, looking into my eyes. He takes my hands and with them, carefully starts to unbutton his white blouse. With each button that is undone, I drop gentle kisses down his chest. He softly groans.

Once everything is unbuttoned, I look up at him, silently asking if he's still okay with what I'm doing. He nods ever so slightly. I slide off his blouse, letting it fall to the floor, leaving him just in his boxers.

"Lean back onto the bed", I tell him, "and keep looking at me."

He does as told. I'm still surprised that he trusts me this much, and this intimately, to show me this part of himself, his...vulnerability.

I crawl up his legs and carefully straddle him.

His face turns to the side, scrunching tightly as if in pain, as if remembering...

I realize then that this must have been the position he was in when...when he was stabbed by Foyet.

I lie down beside him instead, facing him.

Tears stream down his face, the memories most likely coming back with a vengeance.

"It never really goes away, you know?", he says quietly, "Each time I look at myself in the mirror, the...", he hiccups, "...the memories come back. He was one of the few people that I've encountered in my life, that managed to make me feel so...defenseless...so...weak...so... helpless, unable to do anything to help all those...victims...and...and", he breathes heavily, hyperventilating, unable to say her name, Haley's name.

He curls into me, sobbing into my shoulder, putting his arms around me. I rub his back in a soothing manner, understanding him more than he knows or will ever know.

After a while, his sobs dissolve into hiccups, as he pulls back, and looks at me. I take his face in my hands, saying, "It's okay, Aaron", before leaning in and kissing him. He responds immediately, pulling me right up against him. His lips are soft, full, firm, but gentle, against mine, and still taste of his tears.

He pulls back for a second, leans his forehead against mine, saying, "I need you, Y/N, I need you, I need you. Please, please don't leave me, not like Haley... please. I don't know, how much...how much more heartbreak I can take, how much pain...please..."

"I'm here, Aaron, I'm right here, my love, I'm not going anywhere", I say against his lips, "you have me now, and will always have me. No matter what."

"Promise?", he whispers, "Do you promise, Y/N?"

In answer, I kiss him fiercely, wrapping my legs around him.

He rolls over, so I'm now underneath him.

"Aaron?", I ask cautiously, unwrapping my legs from around his waist

"Yes, beautiful?", he answers, smiling sweetly at me

I hesitate. I want to be honest with him, about my virginity, but...it's hard...

He sees the look on my face, and says, "It's okay, Y/N, whatever it is, you can tell me."

I swallow nervously, before saying softly, "I'm...I'm... a...v-virgin."

He looks at me in understanding, as he says, "How someone beautiful like you is untouched, baffles me, Y/N."

"I was saving myself", I whisper  
"Saving yourself for who?", he asks softly, stroking my cheek.  
"You", I whisper in his ear, holding my arms around him

He smiles softly at me as he says, chuckling, "Then I will do my best to make sure that this experience is one that you will remember", he leans in, whispering in my ear, "for a lifetime."

**Author's Note:**

> After re-reading this one multiple times, I've decided to end it where it is and write a 2nd part. This one is a little on the vulnerable/angsty side and is based on my own personal insecurities as a woman. I hope you love it and can relate to it. As always, let me know what you guys think, whether it's through comments or kudos


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